I have been working my way through Psalm 119, attempting to memorize it day by day, a verse at a time. It's fun for me having taken Hebrew, to go through an acrostic psalm. Each paragraph begins with the next letter of the Hebrew alphabet as is usually listed even in our English Bibles. Tonight I came to verse 20, which in my NASB reads,
"My soul is crushed with longing
After Your ordinances at all times."
This verse really struck me and caused me to truly pause and think about the weightiness of what was being said. My soul is crushed with longing... is my soul crushed with longing? And if so, what for? Is it crushed for longing after God's ordinances? And even though it may be at times, is it at all times? Powerful stuff... which made me want to dig a bit deeper.
So I pulled out my Hebrew lexicon, pulled up the verse in Hebrew text online, and started going through it. Here's what I found.
Because of the way that Hebrew is written, the first word in the sentence is the word translated to "crushed" in NASB. The word is literally means "to crush, break, wear oneself down, waste away." The only other time this root word is used in the OT is in reference to someone's teeth being crushed. Wow.
The other thing I found interesting was the word translated "ordinances." This word is also used (and translated in other translations such as KJV) as "judgments." That intrigued me as well. Judgment has such a negative connotation that goes with it. But here, the psalmist longs for God's judgments or ordinances. Our God is just. Even though we have a "justice system" in our culture, it is far from perfect. Our God is perfectly just. Yet, in some way that can only be described as a "holy tension," God is so merciful and grace-full as well. I'm so grateful for Him and His word that speaks truth to our hearts.
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
It's so hard...
I want to trust Lord... I really do. But sometimes it is so hard to trust when I know that You are the only One who can be trusted. Help me, Lord...
Saturday, May 9, 2009
Graduation Day!
Even though he's been done for awhile, Tim's graduation day is finally here. After a long morning of rehearsal, we picked him up for lunch and then headed back to PCC for graduation. Here are a few pictures from today:
Tim in the car on the way to graduation... hot stuff...
My new favorite pic...
Tim sat next to a guy named Matt Adams, and as they started talking, they realized that they were the brothers of the two Bekah Adams who sat next to each other at A Beka graduation four years ago! Somewhat ironic, but cool!
Tim in the car on the way to graduation... hot stuff...
My new favorite pic...
Tim sat next to a guy named Matt Adams, and as they started talking, they realized that they were the brothers of the two Bekah Adams who sat next to each other at A Beka graduation four years ago! Somewhat ironic, but cool!
Friday, May 8, 2009
Sun 'n sand...
We're in sunny and beautiful Florida... it's so great. I forget how much I love the beach until I see it again. Then my heart just overflows with emotion, and I'm blown away again with the beauty. I love watching the waves crash against the sand. I love hearing the roar of the waves that can lull me to sleep. I love the feel of the sand beneath my toes and the water gently lapping around my ankles. I love finding colorful shells and sand dollars hiding just past the surf. I love the smell of sand and sea water and sunscreen. It's so wonderful.
I experience all these things, and I'm blown away by how great my God is. Who would have thought that putting a bunch of water all around would be so amazing? But God knew. He created the beauty, the textures, the colors. He makes me smile :)
Tomorrow my brother graduates. It's hard to believe that it's been four years since that was me. And now he's the one walking across the stage and heading out into the world of college. My time went so fast. I know his will as well.
On a different note, the wedding is 29 days away. And Roy will be back with me in less than three weeks. It's hard to believe. My mom and I made a final list of what needs to be done. It is going to go so quickly! I'm so excited for it to finally be here! I miss him so much and cannot wait for the special day.
Here are some pics from the last couple days:
Tim and me on the plane:
Here's the view from our hotel balcony. The hotel is AMAZING!
We went to Crabs for dinner yesterday. This was on my plate :( It made me sad...
Here's a view from our balcony tonight...
I experience all these things, and I'm blown away by how great my God is. Who would have thought that putting a bunch of water all around would be so amazing? But God knew. He created the beauty, the textures, the colors. He makes me smile :)
Tomorrow my brother graduates. It's hard to believe that it's been four years since that was me. And now he's the one walking across the stage and heading out into the world of college. My time went so fast. I know his will as well.
On a different note, the wedding is 29 days away. And Roy will be back with me in less than three weeks. It's hard to believe. My mom and I made a final list of what needs to be done. It is going to go so quickly! I'm so excited for it to finally be here! I miss him so much and cannot wait for the special day.
Here are some pics from the last couple days:
Tim and me on the plane:
Here's the view from our hotel balcony. The hotel is AMAZING!
We went to Crabs for dinner yesterday. This was on my plate :( It made me sad...
Here's a view from our balcony tonight...
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Graduation was yesterday. It was great :) We all looked great. The speaker was Dr. Bailey, President of Dallas Theological Seminary. He spoke to us about being priests and pilgrims in our culture today. I was challenged to live a life of humbleness and share Christ with others. I really cannot believe that it's over. It hasn't sunk in yet. I'm going to miss it, but I'm ready to move on.
Roy was here for graduation! It was so great to see him again. We were able to spend yesterday together and today got to play mini golf and get ice cream. It was just so nice to hang out and relax! He'll be back in 26 days and then he'll be here til we get married! Tonight he left to go back, and while that's sad, it's our last goodbye in our countdown!!! It will be here before we know it!
Roy was here for graduation! It was so great to see him again. We were able to spend yesterday together and today got to play mini golf and get ice cream. It was just so nice to hang out and relax! He'll be back in 26 days and then he'll be here til we get married! Tonight he left to go back, and while that's sad, it's our last goodbye in our countdown!!! It will be here before we know it!
Friday, May 1, 2009
The final pages...
This chapter of my life is quickly coming to an end, and a new one is about to begin. Such a mixed bag of emotions. Excitement and joy, sadness and fear, all mixed up inside my heart. I took my last final today and officially finished my classroom time in my undergraduate degree. Where did the four years go? Seems like not that long ago that I was moving into Printy 34A, meeting my roomie, Nicole, and wondering what was to come in this new world called college. And now it's almost over.
Looking back, so many people have impacted me here. My profs have been amazing. Couser taught me the basics of doctrine and prepared me for much more knowledge. Estes taught me how to be confident in my salvation and how to study God's Word. He also poured into me and encouraged me in my walk with the Lord. Miller opened my eyes to the Old Testament and some of the NT as well. He showed me what it means to really care for your students and to have the desire for them to "get it" in their hearts, not just in their heads. Hoffeditz shared his enthusiasm for God's Word with me, blowing me away by his knowledge and love for Jesus Christ. Thigpen taught me Hebrew and gave me an opportunity to meet my fiance! Dr. Tse gave of his time to build me into a better student and person. His willingness to listen and help was a constant source of encouragement. Pagnard showed me how you can be a professional who knows how to have fun. DiCuirci gave me the opportunity to play my bass in his jazz band and to be his secretary for two years - and I'm so grateful for both. Dean Johnson stepped in and was used in a majorly pivotal way to direct my life in the direction it is now headed. I could go on. These profs just pour themselves into the students. They love us and just want us to grow, especially in our walk with God. Amazing.
My friends have been such a blessing as well. Nicole was my first roomie and one of my best friends. Lynn has been here through all four years, blessing me in so many ways. Callie came along near the end, but God blessed me through her friendship so much as well. How Stephanie and I became friends is odd, but such a God thing! I can't imagine not knowing her. Michael has been my true brother in Christ and one of my best friends. Our time together was always well spent. I will miss him very much. I could go on for pages and pages about all my friends, the girls in my hall, the RAs, my music buddies and so many more. They have all impacted my life in such great ways.
And then there's my love. Who knew my language elective would satisfy more than a requirement to graduate? It provided for me the love of my life as well. My Roy. Hard to believe it's been almost three years since we met. He brings so much joy and love to my life and reminds me daily of Jesus through his words and actions.
Most importantly is God. He has grown me, stretched me, broken me, put me back together, and done more in my life in these four years than I ever thought were possible. My heart is changed. My mind is changed. I am not the same girl I was four years ago... not even close. I see ways in which He is growing me, pursuing me, pressing me on in my faith. All I can do is thank Him.
It's been great... so great. Through the ups and downs, God's been so faithful to me. But now it's time to go. It's time to say goodbye to this life I've known for four years and take a new step of faith. It's bittersweet. A smiling face with tear-stained cheeks.
But it is time.
Goodbye, Cedarville. It's been great.
Looking back, so many people have impacted me here. My profs have been amazing. Couser taught me the basics of doctrine and prepared me for much more knowledge. Estes taught me how to be confident in my salvation and how to study God's Word. He also poured into me and encouraged me in my walk with the Lord. Miller opened my eyes to the Old Testament and some of the NT as well. He showed me what it means to really care for your students and to have the desire for them to "get it" in their hearts, not just in their heads. Hoffeditz shared his enthusiasm for God's Word with me, blowing me away by his knowledge and love for Jesus Christ. Thigpen taught me Hebrew and gave me an opportunity to meet my fiance! Dr. Tse gave of his time to build me into a better student and person. His willingness to listen and help was a constant source of encouragement. Pagnard showed me how you can be a professional who knows how to have fun. DiCuirci gave me the opportunity to play my bass in his jazz band and to be his secretary for two years - and I'm so grateful for both. Dean Johnson stepped in and was used in a majorly pivotal way to direct my life in the direction it is now headed. I could go on. These profs just pour themselves into the students. They love us and just want us to grow, especially in our walk with God. Amazing.
My friends have been such a blessing as well. Nicole was my first roomie and one of my best friends. Lynn has been here through all four years, blessing me in so many ways. Callie came along near the end, but God blessed me through her friendship so much as well. How Stephanie and I became friends is odd, but such a God thing! I can't imagine not knowing her. Michael has been my true brother in Christ and one of my best friends. Our time together was always well spent. I will miss him very much. I could go on for pages and pages about all my friends, the girls in my hall, the RAs, my music buddies and so many more. They have all impacted my life in such great ways.
And then there's my love. Who knew my language elective would satisfy more than a requirement to graduate? It provided for me the love of my life as well. My Roy. Hard to believe it's been almost three years since we met. He brings so much joy and love to my life and reminds me daily of Jesus through his words and actions.
Most importantly is God. He has grown me, stretched me, broken me, put me back together, and done more in my life in these four years than I ever thought were possible. My heart is changed. My mind is changed. I am not the same girl I was four years ago... not even close. I see ways in which He is growing me, pursuing me, pressing me on in my faith. All I can do is thank Him.
It's been great... so great. Through the ups and downs, God's been so faithful to me. But now it's time to go. It's time to say goodbye to this life I've known for four years and take a new step of faith. It's bittersweet. A smiling face with tear-stained cheeks.
But it is time.
Goodbye, Cedarville. It's been great.
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